So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
