So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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