The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She's the barista slut.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
