So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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