she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
