wat bout pragnant strippers??
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the day after is always just damage control
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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