Porn is love you can see.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
