That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
