My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
