Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The best revenge is premature balding
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
