i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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