So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
