Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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