ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The power of my boobs compel you
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
