My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I need water and some morals
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
