I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
