I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
