I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
