I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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