You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
