I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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