Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
