White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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