yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
