8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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