I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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