im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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