It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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