And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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