I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
