dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
