There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
