Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
