I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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