BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
