you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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