ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
there's paper in my vomit.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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