the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
