allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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