yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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