I think my vagina is haunted
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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