there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
