Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
