I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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