For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
