that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
