Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
