sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
organizing the empties. That sober.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I party with great urgency now.
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