There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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