After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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