im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Can Purell be used as lube?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
