Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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